Monday, August 4, 2014

Control Freak

One of the negative attributes that can indeed damage relationships badly is the controlling behavior. Clinical psychologist Dr. David Schnarch affirms that "People who can't control themselves control the people around them" (2011). People who cannot take control of their thinking processes, emotions, decision-making, stand for their decisions and be able to handle the outcomes of the decisions made are perhaps the people who control others.

What might be the possible reasons why people would want to control others? Either they

  • believe that they are always right while others are wrong OR 
  • would not be flexible with people's choices and its outcomes or turn of events OR 
  • want their way in everything

It is not wrong to be in control of our lives which helps us in taking charge of our responsibilities, decisions and everyday choices. Sometimes people misunderstand this phenomenon and try to exercise control over others. Instead of being in control of themselves and their lives, people tend to exercise control over others. It has been observed that highly insecure (of their choices or feelings) and demanding people are those who exercise control over others as they are under the presumption that they can keep things under their control which is seldom true . However, by doing so they not only end up in conflicting situations but also end up being frustrated and disappointed.

What should one do to come out of this trait...i.e. controlling others?
A change in perception and attitude will enable people with controlling behaviors be more at ease with themselves and in turn their relationships.

A change in perception and attitude comes when we know how to respect each person's individualism, other's choices and decisions, giving others their space (psychological, volitional, physical), appreciate differences and appreciate other people's characteristics, skills, talents and qualities.

Celebrate Individualism...

Schnarch, D. (2011). People Who Can't Control Themselves Control The People Around Them. Intimacy and Desire. Psychology Today.