Why am I being disliked?

If you are a person wondering why you are being disliked by people around you for no valid reason, you will not be surprised to know that people may dislike you just because you failed to keep up to their expectations. Expectations can be any form- simple, intense, relational and sometimes unwarranted. However, we need to realize that we cannot meet the expectations of others fully. We do take efforts to fulfill the expectations of immediate family members. For instance, between parents and children, between spouses, etc. Yet it is difficult to fulfill all of the unspoken expectations.

If we find that people get cross with us just because we failed to keep up to their expectations, we will need to understand that we will eventually be disliked. How would we handle such situations? Most of us would answer...'I don't care for such people in my life' or even 'I don't want them'. Instead of holding such attitude, what we can do as matured adults is to allow those who dislike us ...to be what they are, feel what they want to and continue to be them. All that we can do is distance from them psychologically and give them their psychological space.

Giving psychological space to others is an important ingredient for interpersonal relationships as well as for our psychological well-being. It refers to not cribbing and complaining about people who dislike us but accept it as their innate nature and consider less of why they dislike us. This will heal our inner self as it will enable us to experience psychological freedom in unimaginable ways...

Social Comparison Theory-4

Inevitably we engage in the habit of social comparisons and one of the ideal forms of social comparisons that can help us to live with contentment is to compare not with those who are better of than us...but to compare with those who endure harder life struggles than us. It is no use cribbing about some things that happened in our lives that are unchangeable. There are two kinds of life's happenings those that we can change and those that we cannot. That is why we often refer to the quote:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

It is very essential that we identify the difference between the things that we can change in our lives and the things we cannot. So how do we handle the things that are unpleasant and undesirable in our lives. Firstly, we need to identify things in our lives that we cannot change. Secondly, we need to accept and acknowledge the unchangeable aspect of life by understanding the fact that we cannot expect things to change magically or hold unrealistic expectations. Finally, though we cannot change some things in our lives we can change our reactions to it.

How do we change our reactions to the unpleasant and undesirable happenings or things in our lives? Social comparison theory helps us here...we need to consider those real life people who struggle the worst in their lives and still live positively. We will be able to see that in spite of their life struggles they still take efforts to make the best out of their lives... for themselves and their dependencies. We have a lesson to learn from such people.

Instead of comparing with those who are better of than us and cribbing about what we have or don't have why not learn lessons from the real life heroes who live their lives successfully with a purpose amidst all storms...

I will be disliked...

Generally, we all have a good feeling about ourselves. Each of us to a greater degree know about ourselves as a person and we presumably believe that we are 'good'. It is essential to have this kind of perception for us to function normally as an individual. However, we may fall into the trap of belief system that we are generally likable by all and hence our communication, behaviors, actions, choices and decision-making can be driven by this presumption.

If you are a person who carry this kind of belief system that 'I am generally likable' it may be difficult for you to handle instances of rejection or non-acceptance. I personally was plagued with this kind of belief system for many years and when faced with instances of non-acceptance or rejection felt miserable. One fine day an article I read helped me to realize no matter how good I am or would have been good to people, how much ever loving... not all will get to like me. The article struck me like an lightning and I felt delivered to know the truth that "I will be disliked" no matter how hard I try to invest in people and relationships.

To know that 'I will be disliked' brought in deliverance to my inner struggle. I felt free, calm and at ease to be myself. If you are a people-person know that you will be liked as well as disliked, loved as well as unloved, accepted as well as rejected. Since each individual's perception and attitude is different not everyone will see things from our eyes. First, we need to get out of this belief system so that we can function normally as a person and not be weighed down by others reactions towards us...

Social Comparison Theory-1

Whether we identify it or not, whether accept it or not we all subconsciously indulge in social comparison theory. How many of us have come across people who would want to buy things for themselves or their house just because a neighbor had bought or possess something that they don't have? This kind of behavior is merely because individuals unknowingly engage in social comparison theory. We compare ourselves with others who are higher to us in terms of socioeconomic status or those whom we consider our equals.

Is this kind of comparison wrong? Social comparison is fair enough as long as we are progressing in a healthy manner. For instance, we compare ourselves with high achievers and may develop strong aspirations or ambitions to grow in life. This kind of social comparison is healthy as it enables us to set goals for life. However, we need to be cautious about the kind of social comparisons we make. If we desire to buy a car of a particular brand its good. However, if we start indulging in behaviors that 'whatever others have even I should have' that can cause to yield into unrealistic expectations, disappointments and frustrations. 

We cannot live peacefully by setting standards based on others. We need to set standards for living based on our core inner values that drive purpose for our living. Then our social comparisons would generally be healthy. We are who we are no matter what others say or comment about us. As long as we live in this kind of confidence knowing the driving purpose of lives, we can surely live a contented life no matter where and how we live...

However, contentedness of life is something that we define!

Giver Vs Receiver

Have you ever been a giver? Generally, when we talk about giving we perceive it in terms of money. How sad that the world is so focused on monetary gains...What about giving ourselves selflessly to others. Have you been a selfless giver in your close relationships? Be it your spouse, child (children), parent, friend, or sibling?

How much of quality time do we give to the relationships in the inner circle? How many of us have loved someone selflessly? People who are always in the habit of receiving do not learn to give it back and finally they end up becoming dry...On the contrary people who have always been on the giving end give up in investing in relationships that are no longer fruitful (again not in monetary terms) as they get fed up with giving ...not being at the receiving end.

For any relationship to function smoothly both the parties should be equal givers and receivers in terms of sharing, caring, showing empathy, courtesy and spending time. Investing in relationships takes efforts, time and prioritizing. Only those relationships that are genuine with  selfless attitude sustains. When people invest in relationships for monetary gains or to achieve selfish personal goals, they disrupt relationships resulting in stagnation or termination. In today's context we can find people who form relationships for the purpose of using others (like toilet papers eh?).

How many of us would be ready to give ourselves to others with genuineness and self-less attitude? However, we should be careful while investing in relationships by weighing down the cost versus rewards. Rewards are those who can give back when you invest; and costs are the pain and losses you encounter by in investing in wrong relationships...We need use diligence and prudence when it comes to investing ...both relationships and finances alike!

Whom are You Feeding? Ego?

Sometimes we would have come across people whom we refer as egoistic generally because they do not easily apologize when they do wrong to others. Have you ever wondered why is it so hard for people to say "Sorry" genuinely? Fake sorry or simply saying sorry without really meaning it ...is a mere lip service and is done to escape the situation or manipulate with people. However, genuine sorry can be told only by those who have humility in their innate nature. People who do not want to sincerely and genuinely apologize are 'perfectionists'. In their perception their are always right while others are wrong. They are the ones who easily blame others, situations or events if something is not working in their lives according to their expectations.

We cannot make people to apologize. Perfectionists are hard to break from their personalities. People who find fault with others except themselves are perfectionists. People who want their way in everything are perfectionists. According to Julie "perfectionism is the result of a false sense of pride" and that it is an egoistic condition which perfectionists need to break free from (2013). Julie affirms that unless a perfectionist changes his/her attitude of serving the 'self' at all times and move to serving others, he/she will continue to be dissatisfied in life (2013).

Whether we want to serve our self-centered ego or break free from the false pride is something that we need to decide on...solely!

Reference
Julie. (2013). Perfectionism Is All About Ego-Drop the Facade. Sober Julie.com.

Super-Ego:- Good or Bad?

As per Freud's psychoanalytical theory we all have the id, ego and super-ego. In lay man's terms we would have coined the word "ego" with a negative connotation and would have said "She is a very egoistic person" which perhaps would mean that she is arrogant or snobbish. The id is the one that demands to meet the basic needs immediately like hunger, thirst, love, social acceptance, etc. The super-ego is the conscience that sets moral standards or principles within us derived from our environment, culture, family upbringing, etc. The ego is the one that directs the id and the super-ego based on realistic principle determining what kind of communications, behaviors and actions are appropriate or what are inappropriate.

However, the definition of super-ego has undergone several changes because it cannot be considered on abstract terms and be seen merely as conscience. What about people who commit crimes? Do they lack super-ego? Certainly not...Their super-ego is harsh where their conscience is compromised. People with harsh super-ego's have compromised values like an "eye for eye or tooth for tooth". OR something like "life is not working for me as expected so why should life be good for others". OR "Its okay if I lose one eye, but he/she should lose both the eyes'.

According to Chris L. Minnick (2014) the super-ego is actually how a person relates to self and internal version of descriptions of relationships that exists in the unconscious realm which is applicable for each individual. For people with harsh super-ego, the definition of self and relationships are concrete in nature which means it cannot be easily changed as it has been persistent since their childhood years and has been reinforced by later life experiences.

We can find that people who are snobbish, arrogant and proud who easily demean or hurt others self-respect or degrade others self-image as they have a harsh super-ego. However, such people seldom understand that they are projecting a negative self-image about themselves before others rather than an enhanced self-image. Whether we function with a super-ego that comprises of moral values or have harsh super-ego that is compromised is something we ought to determine...

Reference
Minnick, C.L. (2014). Super-Ego and Conscience. Minnick's Klein Academy. Retrieved from:
http://minnickskleinacademy.com/module-six-short-takes/super-ego-and-conscience/

Self-Fulling Prophecy- 2

According to Robert Merton self-fulfilling prophecy refers to "a false definition of the situation evoking a new behavior which makes the originally false conception come true" (as cited in Bearman and Hedstrom, 2009). Our mind is a powerful part of our being and is capable to handling complex thoughts processes and thinking patterns. Generally, we function in an automatic response mode and predominantly the automatic response to a negative situation or event is negative. Since we subconsciously function in an auto response mode, we draw negative or false definitions from a negative situation. People who have the tendency to get easily worked up in a negative situation engage in monologue repeatedly with respect to their false definitions. As per the self-fulfilling prophecy negative thought patterns and feelings evoke strong negative behaviors, expressions and responses which in turn cause negative vibes in themselves and their life thus making their false conception become true.

We may have fears or anxieties or negative thoughts about ourselves/others which may not be true, yet we may assume it to be true and respond accordingly. This affects our behaviors, expressions and in turn outcomes making our belief come true. For instance, if I fear that my worst kind of migraine may end up into aneurysm or cause me to collapse, it affects the way I respond to my condition making it further worse. However, I can choose how I react to my condition or situation and it takes mental energy to respond positively to a negative situation or condition.

Most of us have an innate desire or need to know things that are about to happen in advance. However, if we are not cautious we may be engaging in self-fulfilling prophecy needlessly...

Reference
Bearman, P. and Hedström, P. (2009). Self-Fulfilling Prophecies. The Oxford Handbook of Analytical Sociology. Oxford: Oxford University Press.

A Grave Danger...

One of the grave dangers some of us may be practicing subconsciously is the danger of negative self-fulfilling prophecy. People whose self-image depends on acceptance of others are already in the slimy pit of damaging self-image. Each of us have a self-image of our own. Predominantly, most of us have a good self-image. People whose self-image depends on meeting the expectation and acceptance of others are unknowingly and constantly making efforts to meet up to the expectations and standards of others as it causes them to 'feel good' about themselves.

When others reactions towards them is negative then their self-image is shaken causing them to think what wrong they did to receive negative reactions from others. Their thought process is something like: 'I was good to them, why are they reacting differently or indifferently to me? What wrong did I do to them?' These kind of questioning may affect their self-confidence, self-esteem and in turn their self-image.

In order to have a positive and healthy image...one has to adopt the following thinking pattern...

I know who I am. I am responsible for my decisions and choices. I don't have negative or unhealthy attitudes and intentions towards others. My significant others (people in my inner circle) knows me and loves me for whom I am. I have a positive and healthy image about myself. In spite of all this... if people around me or relating to me do not like me or treat me indifferently, I am not going to be affected. My self-image does not depend on others acceptance of me as a person.

Accept and Love for being the Person You are...

Happy Reading!

Control Freak

One of the negative attributes that can indeed damage relationships badly is the controlling behavior. Clinical psychologist Dr. David Schnarch affirms that "People who can't control themselves control the people around them" (2011). People who cannot take control of their thinking processes, emotions, decision-making, stand for their decisions and be able to handle the outcomes of the decisions made are perhaps the people who control others.

What might be the possible reasons why people would want to control others? Either they

• believe that they are always right while others are wrong OR 
• would not be flexible with people's choices and its outcomes or turn of events OR 
• want their way in everything

It is not wrong to be in control of our lives which helps us in taking charge of our responsibilities, decisions and everyday choices. Sometimes people misunderstand this phenomenon and try to exercise control over others. Instead of being in control of themselves and their lives, people tend to exercise control over others. It has been observed that highly insecure (of their choices or feelings) and demanding people are those who exercise control over others as they are under the presumption that they can keep things under their control which is seldom true . However, by doing so they not only end up in conflicting situations but also end up being frustrated and disappointed.

What should one do to come out of this trait...i.e. controlling others?
A change in perception and attitude will enable people with controlling behaviors be more at ease with themselves and in turn their relationships.

A change in perception and attitude comes when we know how to respect each person's individualism, other's choices and decisions, giving others their space (psychological, volitional, physical), appreciate differences and appreciate other people's characteristics, skills, talents and qualities.

Celebrate Individualism...

Reference
Schnarch, D. (2011). People Who Can't Control Themselves Control The People Around Them. Intimacy and Desire. Psychology Today.

The Dark Side of Relationships

Each of us knows that relationships are quite complex in nature. Life and relationships can be kept pretty simple if we want to. However, it is not as easy as thought and presumed. Why are relationships so complex and difficult to understand. There is something called the dark side of relationships which actually disrupts relationships. Some of the darker side of relationships according to Spitzberg (2006) are lying, jealousy, deception, manipulation, revenge, stalking, cheating, controlling, abuse, offending, hypocrisy and obsessive intrusion. When these characteristics enter into relationships they can badly spoil relationships leading to termination or worse forms of conflicts.

There is often a fine line in relationships which if well managed can help in balancing relationships. This fine line is something I call it as psychological space and freedom we give to one another. Be it between spouses, parents, children, friends, siblings, colleagues and significant others. If we learn to understand and respect each other's psychological space, we will be able to give that freedom to others to function independently as individuals and not interfere into their private space or seldom judge them. Respecting the other person's psychological space smoothens relationships. It creates positive vibes. If our thinking, perception, attitude, intentions, motives and behaviors are free from the dark aspects of relationships, we are able not only to create positive vibes within us but also spread them across to others. 

Why do some people feel cheerful and happy with those who have positive and healthy attitudes? It is because their thoughts, attitudes, perceptions, motives, behaviors are clean and they do not expect to make use of relationships or people ...creating positive vibes around the people they live or interact.

Reference

Spitzberg, B.H. (2006). A Struggle in the Dark. California: Roxbury

Equity Theory? Mere Theory or Practice?

As a people pro person I generally dwell into exploring the dynamics of interpersonal relationships. A decade before I wanted to study counselling and psychology just to understand the dynamics of human behavior, personality types, interpersonal communication, etc., to help people in the process of problem solving. Though I couldn't complete a degree in that field I was privileged to study these subjects in my work as a freelance writer.

Currently, I am studying about interpersonal communications and one theory I got interested in exploring deeply is Equity Theory. The Equity Theory talks about how much one brings into the relationship in terms of expressing love, care, warmth, empathy and giving time. No relationship sustains for long unless both the parties (whether spouses, friends, parents and children, or significant others) contributes equally into the relationship be it in terms of time, energy, selfless giving, showing empathy and care. If someone is always on the giving end they get tired of not being on the receiving end (not in monetary terms) and give up on the pursuit of that relationship and/or the relationship turns to exist on shallow waters. These are some of the dynamics of interpersonal relationships which if understood in the right sense can be applied rightly.

Just the way we believe in hard work to be successful in education, career, jobs and financial management, so do we need to work hard in maintaining relationships. Far and wide people assume that we don't need to work hard in sustaining relationships. If we are under such presumptions then we are taking relationships for granted. However, a relationship is successful only if both the concerned parties are willing to work hard to build it and even repair it. Equity theory is highly applicable in our day to day lives.

Hence its time to evaluate ourselves honestly what we have been in a relationship? If we have been a receiver then its time to become a giver; and if we have been a giver then its time to be a receiver...

Happy Reading!

When Life Finds Love

Dear Josh,

A poetry dedicated to you on your Birthday

Life was hard before you came by,
And there was no ray of hope.
Everything seemed like fantasy,
To think of happiness was foolishness.

It all looked as if heavens did not favor,
Any good tidings or to imagine there was love.

When you came by,
It was then proved,
That life sure meets with love,
A love so unselfish and pure.

Life would not have been made without you,
Where you made all the difference.

Life did see its share of good tidings,
And I know not,
What it would have been like,
Had you not come by.

Keeping Expectations at Bay...

One of the reasons why people get disappointed easily is because of high expectations. It is no wrong to have expectations in life, for hope is another synonym for expectation. Hope is good and is healthy. A hope  that things are working for better or for good is a very positive hope. It enables to deal with negative aspects in a helpful way.

But having too big an expectation can many a time cause disappointment. Because we get stuck to it so much expecting it to work our way, that we have not thought of an alternative or have plan B ready for us to lean on. Keeping our expectations at bay is an easier way of dealing with life. Otherwise unknowingly we expect life to work out for us in our terms. In reality not everything works in favor of us, especially those aspects of life which we do not have much control.

Understanding that we sometimes need to flow with what life throws at us is not an attitude that is embraced by a majority. This does not mean that we should not have goals and dreams which we may be pursuing. We need to have personal goals and dreams which we need to persistently pursue. Though we may be steering our life's boat, we need to understand that there may be challenges, require change, or take a different course. Even the best sailor, sails with how the course favor's the journey. Sailing with focus yet accepting what comes in the way by keeping our expectations at bay is a better way to avoid despair.

Think and Ink...

It is so very easy to preach, teach and give advice to others, but very difficult to practice the same in our own  lives. For instance, people who advice greatly on dieting are the ones with poor eating habits. It is seldom rare to find good advisers who are good practitioners too. Through life's self lessons, I have learnt not to advice others but only myself through self-talk. I find this very helpful to me and if at all I am telling or teaching somebody it is only to my closest one-my daughter. As a mom, I believe that I have a responsibility to teach my daughter some important life lessons.

This afternoon, came one life lesson during lunch time. The crux of the lesson was "We should not hide things from dad". This lesson wouldn't have come up if an incident would not have taken place. Unable to find a table in the room, I placed the food container on the laptop table without much thought. My daughter immediately jumped up saying that I can't do that as her dad has asked her not to use the laptop table for eating food. Not knowing what to do, I convinced my daughter saying that I will be cautious not to spill any food on it (I could imagine how mad this can make my husband. But I was handful to look for another table, though I knew this wouldn't be considered as a valid excuse). Before I could think of another option my daughter replied "Okay we will not tell this to dad". I told my daughter, "We should not hide things from dad. We will tell him what happened and I will have to take it if I get scolded". My daughter asked me again, "Mom, we should not hide things from dad?". "Yes, we shouldn't. You know that I don't hide things from dad no matter what". "Even if we get scolded?", she asked again. "Yes, I said". I was happy that what I said was getting re-emphasized in her mind. "To be transparent and honest is more important", I said. My daughter agreed. I could see that she was totally convinced because she has never seen me do things without my husband's knowledge. If we desire that our teachings, advise and preaching should carry weight and value to our kids, we better teach them those stuff which we ourselves do...

Counting My Blessings

Whenever we find life dry, we are often recommended to count our blessings. And when I think of blessings I cannot think anything beyond my husband Josh and my daughter Jeru. If not for them, life would not be there for me.Today, as I look back 9 yrs before, it is the day Josh and I were married and I just cannot think what my life would have been without him. If I think of someone (outside my family) who can love me more than themselves, it is none other than him. I am not sure if I had been anyone better to him, but I can be 100% sure that I am blessed by the heavens to get him.

Never had I imagined that I would find a man who would come into my life and would look beyond outward beauty. Until I met Josh, I always saw that it was next to impossible because I know how I look. But I had a small hope and faith that my God in whom I trust would not let me down. He would surely give me a man who would love me for my heart. And surely He did. Josh came into my life when I was 26 and I waited in the  Lord all those years to get my gift. Though the wait was tough, it was worth the wait. Josh is a blessing. Never has been a day in my life where I regretted my marriage. My man and my kid are blessings to me; two gifts of grace. Many times my other disappointments in life dies down when I remember my blessings. I see how good my God has been to me when I count my blessings and so can He be to anyone who trusts Him without wavering.

In Pursuit of

I was drowning ...I could recollect that I was hit hard and was drowning perhaps into something deep and all the thoughts that were racing in my mind was my teen years. Everything seemed like a reel of memories rolled behind. I was seeing myself as a teen in search of meaning for life, a heavy disappointment hidden within me, a life without a purpose. I have found Lord Jesus. Now I am in the quest of what the Lord would want me do for Him. I am looking for a life with purpose. I am searching for my life's work. I meet a lot of people. I grow in the Lord. But day after day, month after month, and year after year, I only find disappointments. I don't find a single person who could direct me in the path of my quest.

I dream to do so many things- a counselor, youth worker, social worker etc. But I see that I am heading no where. I don't get any openings and the opportunities I get I am not satisfied. I find myself unable to work with people with different purpose and motives. I always look forward for selfless service and its hard to find like-minded folks. People have their own agendas and plans and I find it hard to gel with them. If we are to serve others selflessly, we need to do all that it requires to serve them even if it is going to take the extra mile. And I see that it is hard for others to do that as each one are too busy with their own agendas.

Years have gone by and life phases change. Marriage, kid, responsibilities change... so with the roles. Amid all these I still try to pursue my life's purpose working on some natural traits and burden only to eventually witness that these are short-lived like that of quick passing clouds. I still go straight with 2 attempts only to face continued failures. To forget all the series of disappointments and the heavy hidden remorse, I consciously choose to quit my pursuit for life's purpose.

Now having come to my mid years, I only try to build my career. Suddenly  I remember the hard blow I have had recently. A big disappointment in another sphere of life (my passion) seemed like a last blow to all the hope I had been holding to. Yeah, the picture comes vividly to my mind and as I open my eyes I realize that I am drowning and I cry out to my God like the psalmist does...doubting if help would come. I only recollect a verse from the Bible which is from Psalm 138:8

The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me;
your love, O Lord, endures forever —
do not abandon the works of your hands. (NIV 1984)

I just repeat this verse again and again. I am not sure if I have the courage to believe this. 16 yrs has already passed, and to think that this verse is going to come true seems little skeptical. Not knowing what to do... I just say "I wish I could believe this, Lord help my unbelief", and then I close my eyes.

The Machine Gun Preacher

I know that many who may watch this movie "Machine Gun Preacher" may take a skeptical view because the first question they may ask is how can a preacher take a machine gun and call himself a preacher? However, you need really get into the man's shoes to see all that he went through to save the lives of children in East Africa (Sudan). This is not just a movie. It is a real story of a man named Sam Childers, once a drug addict and a gangster whose life changes after accepting Jesus. This man's life changes so drastically that he  comes out of a life of sin, drug addiction and illegal activities and works as a construction worker to keep his family. He does not steal or beg or manipulate others to get money to run his family (something which I believe is a trait of a changed man who has met with Jesus), but goes to the extent of donating his blood for $20 to provide for his family needs.

The story doesn't end there, seeing this man's dedication at work, Sam Childers grows in his profession to the extent of having his own construction business. During this phase of his life, Sam goes to Africa to do a construction project where he comes to witness horrible heart pounding series of events where African children are killed and kidnapped by the African rebels. Many African parents are also killed in the process. Fearing that their children would be kidnapped or killed, parents send children out in the fields to take shelter for the night. Because homes are much more a dangerous place for the children to live as the rebels kidnap them. The intention of these kidnapping and killing is to make children as terrorists, indulge them in flesh trade and also sell them. Witnessing all this Sam's heart breaks; and he comes down to Africa to save these children. In order to save children from the rebels he joins the freedom fighters in Africa and fights the rebels with the gun. Sam often goes back home in Pennsylvania to get funds to buy the necessities to save the children. One should watch the movie to see his struggle.

Prayer, good intentions and good plans cannot just save lives. And God is not interested in them. Somebody has to take action. Sam Childers took that action. He sells everything that he has, builds an orphanage which at first attempt the rebels burn it down killing so many people involved in the project. Sam builds the orphanage again not wanting to give up on the mission he had taken up in his hands. Sam sees children burnt and killed by bombs and guns right in front of his eyes. Do you think any parent or a person with a human heart would just see a child being killed and burnt and still keep quite saying that God will save? Faith should be accompanied by actions. Without actions faith will be void.

Sam Childers may not be considered as a preacher by many because he takes a "Gun" in his hands to save children. As I said not many can understand what Sam Childers is doing. You need to get into his shoes to see his perspective. Even to this day Sam Childers lives in East Africa serving children. What you think about Sam Childers is your personal opinion. If somebody says that he cannot be called a preacher but just a humanitarian, it is like finding fault with believer (whose faith is in Christ or Christian) soldiers who fight in the borders to protect the country because they too indulge in killing others for the sake of the country.As for me being in the comfort zone and preach gospel is a very easy task than getting into the battle field to save lives both for God and for the human race.

If somebody is still not convinced about Sam Childers as preacher see the movie and answer the only one question the real Sam Childers asks after the movie and see if you can answer it honestly...

Watch the movie "Machine Gun Preacher" and to know more about Sam Childers here is the site http://www.machinegunpreacher.org/

A non-conformist?

How many of us do things just because we would like to be seen as a part of the crowd and not different? Conforming for the sake of social acceptance is something natural since we live in our own social circles. To do things out of the social norm will be perceived not only as different but as weird. We sometimes do a lot of things just because we need to feel accepted in our social circles. These things which we do can be religious/spiritual beliefs, cultural traits, family habits, etc.

Being a non-conformist is a difficult task and to be one without hurting somebody's feelings is all the more challenging. Over the years I have met people who would prefer to be a conformist and doesn't want to raise a voice, because they are afraid to be devoid of social acceptance. As a Tamil Christian writer my dad gains much attention and appreciation for the good writing pieces he gives through his self-publishing magazine. His intention of writing the magazine is to clarify some of the interpretations people give to the Bible scriptures and Christian living. He often says people choose to interpret Bible scriptures for their own selfish benefit. They do not wish to shape or align their lives to Biblical teaching, but just want to take those scriptures and interpret them which will suit or benefit them. Once two pastors and a brother had come to meet him after having read his magazine. A discussion began on how some preachers live their  private lives lavishly with Church offerings and not a simple life like Christ did. My dad's only argument was that though men and women of God can live their lives on tithes and offerings, they cannot live in luxury but be good stewards of the Church's money. One pastor agreed to my dad's statement and affirmed  that there are preachers who live lavishly though they should not be doing so and said that we can do nothing about it meaning we cannot oppose them or criticize them. I was totally taken back by such statement.

This was not one such incident. We once met a good man of God who did his profession as a painter so sincerely, that being surprised by his dedication at work we rewarded him with gifts and an award. However, even this person who showed so much simplicity, humility, dedication and good faith in Christ did not want to   comment against ministers of God who lived a life opposing the gospel. The question that lingers in my heart is..."Why should people of good faith be a conformist?" Is being a non-conformist such a difficult task? Or do people think why should I be bothered about how others are? As long as I am on the right side that is fine..? Or do people choose to be a conformist fearing that they will be looked upon as weird or different or even a opposer of faith and be devoid of their social circle? I don't know the reason. But I don't want to be a conformist.

The perplexing thought that often comes to my mind is...so should we just ignore such things happening in Christian circles saying this is the common trend and we better not talk about it but rather ignore it? If this is what a majority of opinion would be... My next thought is had Raja Ram Mohan Roy been a conformist during his time, Sati would not have been abolished in India. Had Gandhiji been a conformist, the British rule would have continued this day in India. So if I am suggested that I should just go along with my social group and not be bothered about who is wrong and who is right is it fine? No, but I don't want to be a conformist and I am not afraid to be a non-conformist...

Wishful Thinking?

How many of us invest our time on wishful thinking? I guess most of us do that. I many times regret for having spent days on wishful thinking...Perhaps there has been not just days but also months and years gone in just wishful thinking. What is this wishful thing? Well sometimes it can be as simple as wishing badly that  Monday morning would be a holiday for work or school/college. Hoping that somebody did the dishes for us or perhaps even cooked?! Didn't have to bother to take bath and carry on with our daily routine. Wished on a good rainy day to have tea and snacks (like South Indian bondas and pakoras), watch movies and spend time with family, so on and so forth.

The best part of these wishful thinking is that most of them doesn't happen. Sometimes it may turn out to happen as if God answered our heart's small longing. As long as these wishful thinking are small ones i.e simple aspects of life, I guess it won't be a problem to us and it won't really affect our quality of life (QOL). However, if we get into the habit of making our wishful thinking for big plans and decisions of life, we may end up having major disappointments. For instance, many single folks wish that they may find their prince charming or miss world accidentally, just like the way it happens in movies. Oops! They may later hope during their mid-lives that it was just a wishful thought and not a reality...(just kidding)

Wishful thoughts are usually slightly out of practical thinking. Sometimes it shows our childish way of thought process. I am not saying by indulging in wishful thinking we are being childish. Perhaps it reveals a child in us. It is okay to have a wishful thinking as along as their a minor things and not serious stuff in life. For instance, what if I develop a wishful thinking that I become an ace shooter just because I discovered a new passion in rifle shooting. It seems slightly impractical isn't it? However, not all wishful thinking are unrealistic and unpractical. Some wishful thoughts suddenly work for people by things falling in place. However, we need to go with what works in life and what doesn't. What suits our lifestyle and what doesn't.

Having said all this, many of us can waste time in wishful thinking. We just need to evaluate ourselves how far we are going in this track and if at all it is helping us or not...And next time you indulge in wishful thing, take heed and Happy thinking...